Being "Done" is Overrated Anyway.

There is just something about the way his hair falls in front of his blue eyes and curls at the edges that just drives me nuts. That mixed with his smile.. It's killer.. "I wish I could quit you".


I think that I had to come to a point where i had to choose, "learn to deal with your feelings" or "Not have Taylor apart of your life". For me that was an obvious choice. Sometimes I think we have such an undying love for someone that it can be heart breaking when it does not become more than what "WE" want it to be. But there were some VERY good comments and very good points made in my last blog. One that kinda suck in my head was something along the lines of that maybe my and his relationship is jus supposed to be how it is. Nothing more, nothing less because something could happen that could ruin it if it was to become more. Very interesting point.

I have decided to not blog as much about Taylor. There are other things that happen in my life. lol. I just think that maybe ill only blog about other things, and only Tay if something happens more.. uh.. memorable?...ish unless u guys want to hear. lol
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Once again, Taylor throws me a curve ball. I caught it this time tho.

It's strange because the relationship that we have is something of an enigma. It's so puzzling to me, and also, to most of you too.

Tonight was strange in a good way.

I had the day off today, and this morning, just like clock work, Tay texted me asking me if I had to work today, but I was sleeping so I didn't get it till later in the day. Of course I said to him that I was off and was just planning on chillin at home tonight. Then I was like, "unless u want to not be at home then ill be with you". lol im retarded.. Even after all that was going on last Friday, I couldnt help but just be addicted and obviously I couldnt b done with him.. Shit, when it comes to him, 'being' done is overrated.

As the afternoon progressed, I was playing with the idea of driving into town, I live in a smaller town, near a big town.. Well until i go back home, then i just will live in a super huge town. lol. But anyway, I was thinking about it all afternoon and then at about 3 he starts calling me, which is unusual. He was asking me all these questions about getting music off his ipod and all this craziness. Stuff that obviously i can't just explain over the phone, so of course, I went over there. lol.

I'm glad I did tho. From the minuet that I saw him he gave me a huge smile. We went back into the computer room and started working on his iPod. We had our usual exchanges in conversation and it seemed that once again on his turf he was relaxed and more care free. During this time he put his chair right next to mine. Really close. SO while he was looking at his phone he would put his elbow on my knee and play with his phone. I don't know why that was nice to me, but it was. Then during other exchanges, he would put his hand on my leg and squeeze, but then just leave it there for a bit.

Can ANYONE understand why I am confused here?!?!?

I can't seem to explain the chemistry we have. I can do just about anything to him and he always smiles. I put stickers on his face and he sat there with this huge smile on his face. It was kinda funny cause they were little flowers, butterflies and princesses. Then I pulled them all off. I can put him in a head lock, and he lets me. I bite him. whatever. lol.

We just seem to click. So how can i quit that? Why would I want too? I really don't know. I think that it's just sometimes I just want to b with him so bad, that it almost...hurts.

After fixing his iPod issues, we stopped by the soccer game. It was so cold. Like, I was wondering why we ever went. lol. But all our friends were playing so it was like ok. We basically stood by the snack thingie cause the wind and rain was so cold it kinda blocked it. While we were standing there with some of our friends, I feel someone put there arms on the outside under my armpits and leaning into me with their head on my back. Now being at the game this was not an uncommon occourance because everone either pickes me up and squeezes me or comes from behind and hugs me or whatever, but i looked and it was Taylor. All cuddlin next to me for warmth. I was so suprised. But I played it cool..

Well after the game we went to Bed Bath & Beyond. While we were there we saw this Nautica Quilt. It's the same one that I have and I love it. It's all patch work and really colorful. It looks like this.



So I asked him without him knowing that I had one, "What do u think of this quilt?" nd he said that it's pretty tight. I was like ya I was thinkin that too. (cause it's my most favorite quilt thing ever. lol.) n I was like, yea, It's the same one that I have at home in Vegas. He was like, "It's tight". Then i said, u want one? He surprised me with his answer. He said, "I would love to have the same quilt as you man". You see, he reeeeeeeeeeaaallly needs one. He only has this little blanket on his bed. It's all polyester and ugly worn out. Like the really cheap kind u get at walmart.. It's all pink n ugly. This quilt is 100% cotton and so warm. So i grabbed one, and we walked off. As we were walking we messed with everything. BB&B has so many cool things in their store.

We stood toward the check out at there were all these magnifying mirrors there and were looking in them. He stood there looking at himself saying that the mirrors really make him look ugly. He was talking about black heads and how so close he looks so ugly. I just looked at him and said, "Taylor, even those mirrors can't make u ugly man". he just smiled at me and turned from the mirror and walked toward the check out.

After BB&B I was craving some ice cream, so we went and got this amazing reeses peanut butter ice cream hot fudge thing.. OMG it was so good. We shared the whole thing. I did ask him if he wanted to get anything of his own, and he said well if I like what u have, Ill just eat some of yours. Of course I couldnt argue with that. lol. It was gone in like less than 5 min. It was soo gooood.

We went back to his house and just hung out. It seems that when we hang out at his place we always have fun. We unfolded his new quilt and he wrapped himself up in it. He said to me that the quilt is something the he will keep for the rest of his life, then wrapped back up in it. lol. It was really cute. We layed on his bed and watched music videos on his iPhone. Lil Wayne and T-pain to be exact. Lil Wayne is one of the most ugly people i have ever seen. hahahaha.. fer real tho, but he has some bad ass videos. During this time, I would put the tips of my fingers on the tips of his and just move them across. If i was not doing that I was following his veins in his arms with my fingers. lol. I know lame, but its a start for whatever... if anything.

The rest of the time there we talked and just messed around. It's funny cause most of the time when we talk we are always so close to each other. Like we are never too far apart, even in a huge room.

Before I left, I finally got a hug that made up for the Friday night before. A long, warm hug, where i actually kissed his neck then hugged him tightly n said bye.

He txted b4 he went to bed, "Hey im goin to bed. Night n i love u lots".

I seriously would die for him.